seek and find

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Reality Check Rains

as tough, disgusting, intense and terrifying as things pose themselves to be (like defecating into a 5" diameter hole with nothing to hold on to, watching, helplessly, as the cockroaches swarm your feet and knowing the elevation of the forever uphill battle that i have just embarked upon) the rains never cease to cleanse the pallet. they seem to wash away worries and woes... all the while, forming new ones.
alas, as this storm hits and audibly attacks my doors, Windows and roof, i pause to realize, i'm in the world's 3rd poorest country and i have doors, windows and a roof.
thats not half bad.
in fact, i'm grateful.
the rains bring (with force) introspection. they remind me of texas. they allow me to sit in my bed and peer through my mosquito net at the lizard poo on which is stuck to my walls. fresh but not too fresh.
the crickets, almost like an alarm clock, cry out in uproar.
just before coming to bed, i ate only 4 (right handed) handfuls of dinner, consisting of rice and fishheads floating in red sauce. sick to my stomach - yes, but why? due to the disgusting, oil drenched foods? maybe. the total lack of vegetables in the diet? sure. but also, the mentality of so many aspects of this culture. child abuse is widely accepted and can be administered by anyone older than the child. animal misuse and abuse, also common practice. my own perception and projection of these personality-faults has proven an issue as well. strange, the way they revere marriage, big families and Islam yet beat and nearly starve children due to the hierarchical set up of the multi-wife system. and not terribly unlike university like hazing practices, there is a sense of entertainment, of desire and of right.
the rains take these sentiments. wash them. revive my intentions. to work. to cultivate. to assist. to be. not to change the world. not to change a system.

ah. tonight, i'll let the rain do its job while i ponder mine.

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