seek and find

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

in retrospect

just a few months ago, i couldn't go into a grocery store without having a panic attack. the only being i wanted to be with was my handicapped dog. i cried until i couldn't breathe and ate like a sick bird. my chest was on fire, my hands were shaky, my vision blurred, my hope lost. a number of jobs in salida were offered and in the same breath dissolved. the weather wouldn't pull through. the light seemed all too distant in the tunnel. the love of my life was gone, his son too, and one of the main reasons we split became louder. all in all, i had a very bleak outlook on life.

today, i'm gainfully employed, using a craft i never thought i'd be lucky enough to execute on a daily basis in a part of the country that frees me daily from my persistent night terrors with sea life, mountains, new accents, speciality foods and happy co-workers. my broken heart is mended, thanks to those who supported me through the darkest time of my life and the sliver of hope i had that Ryan and i would find one another again. that sliver of hope is alive, well and growing daily. i have my health back, too, which has brought back my appetite, both for food and for fun.

life has a way of coming full circle. i don't understand it and i doubt i ever will, but i do know now that friends, relationships, loves, family, those are the things we should focus on. the weather will always change. mean people will always be mean people. but the ones that make you smile, comfort you to sleepiness just with the sound of their voice, who get excited with you, support your journey and maintain your path as well as they can, they should never, ever, be taken for granted.

if you love someone, speak up. its the greatest thing to say and the greatest thing to hear. from your parents, your friends, your significant others. its everything and its beautiful.

mama and daddy, skylar, mike and gloria, janna, kimberly, lauren, patrick, patrick, vickers, brett, ryan, fisher, stephanie, bob, heidi, ginny, tootsie, kristen, morgan, elizabeth, mimi, pilli, brandon, lorig, todd, jon, daniel, kelli, kathie, joel...
thank you. thank you. thank you.

if this is the Worm consider me an Early Bird

Originally uploaded by syd.syd

Monday, June 28, 2010

Here's hoping that your Monday can in no way be represented by this photograph...

This week is a big one here in Olympia, WA; supposedly, this is the week that summer actually starts in the Pacific Northwest. I don't buy it, though, mostly because I just watched the local weather and the highs this week are, at best, mid 60s. I'm not complaining, but I will be come this weekend if this keeps up. Friends from college are wedding this weekend in Denver, so I'll go there to get my sun fix, I suppose. Yet another perk to Jonas and Brittany's wedding is that Ryan O'Brien is coming to escort me and meet my friends! He is well suited and will be a lovely addition to an already fantastic July 4th weekend.
This week also marks the two week countdown to Sensaria's biggest event of the year coming up and, as the company's copy writer, I've got my hands full. Its intimidating, exciting, telling and on the very near horizon. Mostly I'm writing speeches and infomercial-type seminars and I'm really excited about it. So far, my work has been well received and quite quickly I went from having a grey-area title to Copy Writer in two weeks. Thats a good start and now I just need to try and maintain the momentum as well as possible.

I found a fantastically quaint and lovely apartment in downtown Olympia and move in there next weekend! I'm looking forward to the liberty that your own space allows you; freedom of taste, timing and space. Its going to be a good week, I can just feel it.

Now, and quite honestly, I do hope that your day goes better than that bright red and poignantly deflated man-o-war's. Do your best to stay afloat! Happy Monday!

Saturday, June 26, 2010

its the little things

Fantastic Moss
Originally uploaded by syd.syd
this piece of wood is smaller than my pinkie finger, the moss growing on it is smaller than the amount of polish it would take to paint my pinkie fingernail.

there is so much beauty in, on and around this tiny little thing.

Friday, June 18, 2010

how to: Stay Awake and Alert at Work When You're Used to Napping Daily

coffee giving your tummy some trouble? are your eyes dropping at the same rate as your spirits? does 3o'clock usually alarm you to the fact that you're nap is overdue?
here are some helpful tips and suggestions for staying awake at the office (from a nap taker extraordinaire who now has an 8-5 and, consequentially, has to not only stay awake but perky and alert):

1) for every cup of coffee you drink, drink a cold cup of water
- the cold water seems to wake your eyes they way the coffee wakes your brain
- its refreshing and gives your whites a bit of a preclean so that, maybe, you won't have to whiten so much later on
- because coffee is a diuretic, it can help in balancing out your system, adding clear, clean water to a system that is being
quickly flushed out will replenish the expelled fluids and hydrate your body and, hopefully, mind.

2) ginger (not the snap)
- a piece of candied, raw or dried ginger will spice up your life, recruiting your memory to buzz and encourage you to drink
more water
- a natural alarm
- its just good measure to ease your tummy when stressed and ginger is a fantastic tool in doing so

3) wasabi'd peas
- the spice will wake up your eyes and nose and not necessarily in that order
- the kick will also prompt you to drink more of that fantastically necessary, hard to find time for, waker-upper: water

4) chocolate milk
- vitamin D, calcium, protein and just enough sugars to perk your butt up so your butt doesn't have to get up, get coffee and
cream and sugar and blow the whole afternoon with jitters

5) le pamplemousse
- taking half of a grapefruit to work not only gives you a healthy snack, chock full of vitamin c and bs it also, and lets be
honest here, allows you to avert your attention for a moment. taking your attention away from your screen, like to gut
individual slices of a halved grapefruit, can reboot your brain a bit and help you take a fresh look at a normal screen.
- the vitamin content in a half a grapefruit will, undoubtedly, blow your mind
- also, they smell amazing, fresh and bright.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

how to: find your way around the E.R.

well well well, i guess my time had come. i've been a (proud) commuter cyclist for 8 years now. riding from job to job to school to job to party to home to farmers market to movie to job to job to work to school to home for long enough to know that one's luck can only last so long. being a defensive cyclist has always been something i prided myself in; but being defensive and proactive are not one in the same.
friday while (albeit foolishly) biking on hwy 101 (don't let the name fool you, its not unlike fm 1456 in Bellville, lamar blvd in Austin or hwy 291 in Salida, two lanes, good condition, but with heavier traffic than you'd expect) i was pushed by the breeze-backlash of a semitruck off the road, catching my front tire on the dip between asphalt and gravel and came crashing down, hard and seemingly only, on the left side of the top of my head. i jumped up, moved off the road, touched my head to find no blood (thank God, praise Allah, etc) but did discover a tennis ball sized bump that was not only sore to the touch but became more sore when i wasn't holding it. i immediately called Jenny Bracht, a girl who is also recently moved here to work for Sensaria and who i had only just seen 27 minutes earlier. she came quickly to whisk me off to the ER, busted bicycle in tow. we went to the hospital, got the cat scans and xrays, had an all around good experience there, and headed home to rest about 2 hours later.
with a concussion, the old news is "no sleeping" but the new news is "no tv, more sleep, pills pills pills and ice." personally, i like the old ideas better but went ahead and fused the two bodies of thought into this: sleep, ice, pills, npr podcasts and very little computer time. so far its working. i'd like to say that i can blame the intense soreness on my fused rx but doubt that that would fly with anyone who knows the situation.
to jump ahead of you all and answer the obvious questions: yes, i'm going to buy and religiously wear a helmet from this day forth; no, i'm not scared off my bike although i do intend on plotting my routes a little differently from now on; and yes, someone is here keeping an eye on me. Jenny has been splendidly sweet, as have the neighbors who have brought me fresh cut roses from their gardens and buzzed the doorbell to keep me alert. and Ryan, of course, precious Ryan has been checking in and checking up on whats good in life, including testing my common knowledge of day to day life.

whats funny, and i do mean laughable, about this whole situation is that not only was i, while biking, thinking of how lucky i am: to have the family, the friends, the good fortune to have gone through what i did and come out on top, to have a job - nay, a career - ready and willing to mold and be molded, to have left Salida with peace in my heart and to have arrived in Washington with love in my life, to know my parents and brother, Skylar, with the entirety that i do and to be known by them so well. just before my crash i realized that Ryan is taking active steps to ensure his health, his well being, Fishers health, my happiness (for one, he is mid-stride in his campaign to be a non-smoking single dad) and now its time that i do the same.
step one: helmet. step two: public transportation to shorten the commute. step three: sleep sleep water water. step four: acknowledge the lovely life that i've had, the good and the bad and the terribly ugly. step five: let the crazies be crazy and if it just so happens that they wish to release their craziness on your voicemail then just delete it and move onwards and upwards, leaving their crazy, nonsensical, pathological craziness behind. step six: let those who you love dearly know it, every chance you get. step seven: relax.

anywho, the top-hat bump on the noggin is subsiding, the dizziness is stabilizing and the smile has yet to fade.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Old Folks Say It Best: Tips for Staying Sunny in the Pacific Northwest

1) Whiten Your Teeth
with the great and astounding abundance of good red wines, great coffee and coffee shops, dark beers and beets beets beets, a good thing to remember is: brush brush brush... then whiten.
2) Add Some Color to That Quinoa
the almost grossly glorious are the greens, yellows and varieties of reds one can find at their local supermarche as well as at the famously fantastic Farmers' Market in downtown Olympia.
3) Rise and Shine, Skip the Worm
waking up early in this glorious state of Washington affords you much more than extra sunshine: it gives you a valid excuse to drink fantastic coffee All Day Long, a reason to walk the dogs in the mist and start both of your days off with the right foot soaked and the left brain smiling, it allows you to watch as seals swim past on their daily route to the schools awaiting the chase and, most importantly, you get to watch as swallows dive and play and toussel one another in loving reaches and teasing swooshes.
4) Adages Add Up
its important, when living in such lush greens and heavy greys and dark deep blues, to remember that it is solely your responsibility to keep your chin up, even if its consequently dripping rain all down your shirt. with those heavy, rain laden clouds, comes the duty to smile that (bright white, see above) smile and remember to look past the torrential downpour that is upon you and look to the silver lining ; to remember that very shortly after you've decided to take in the lush beauty, and accept that nature is nature and will undoubtedly rain whether you like it or not, that the rainbows, those glorious, goodness-inspiring, warmth-proving rays of life are going to be in your face and no matter how dreary the day was or how dreary you are being, those belts of joy will reach you, dry you off and stretch that smile right across those pearly whites of yours.

I feel like myself again, happy, free, capable, in love, with Ryan, with life, with everything. Its good to be back and be a stranger not to myself, my friends or my family, but to a whole new society, a new type, a new neighborhood. Because, as many of you know, I'm only a stranger for a short period of time. Before you know it, I'll be hosting neighborhood parties, serving bowls at the food bank and making friends with bus drivers.

Away we go!