seek and find

Friday, December 31, 2010

ending the new year with rom-coms, coffee and delights

i woke up alone but happy; cozy, with Nugent on my chest, purring like a Porsche, warming my soul as much as my body, keeping me company amongst my sad dreams. with the internet down and glitter polish on my fingernails, i decided to hit the town early. earlier than i have in months, seeking coffee, connectivity and confections.

instead of heading downtown, consequentially down the hill to the waterfront, i went up the hill, figuring, since this entire year has been, yet another, uphill battle, why not psyche today out and head towards the sun? not two blocks from my house, i had one of those eye-contact moments that makes you believe that you're being followed by a romantic-comedy camera crew, complete with the soap opera lens and warm, fuzzy music.

alas, i kept going, looking back once as he was too, and i smiled, flushed - from sentiment of sunshine, i don't know. but either way, it was warm and fuzzy indeed.
the sun hit my face and i was happy.

that little spark of life put a little fire under me and i hit the hill with vigor: i was, after all, in search of coffee and, if its really my day, donuts.

not three blocks from my apartment, i found a little europen bakery, complete with sweet smells, sensational souffles and absolutely decadent desserts.

and: old fashion donuts. 

i was going to photograph my donut delight, but, i dipped and dunked and, just like a snap, it was enjoyed and then it was only a memory.

a sweet memory.
see ya later, 2010.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Sunday, December 19, 2010

thirty-six, or thirty-eight, it depends on the day

my darling, generous, beautiful, adoring, adored parents, 
Bob and Mohanta Schalit, 
have been happily and whole heartily married for 36 years, 
together for 38, today. 
i'm so proud to have these people in my life, 
to have these people to look up to, to model myself after, to enjoy time with and to always cherish. 

their spirit, natural beauty and authentic personalities light up people's lives - especially mine.

to 36 more!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

a shel for you, a shel for me, this shel stood near a tree

this reminds me of the simple, sweet solitude that only true and good poetry can

hope it does you all 
a little bit of good; 
to remember 
sweet times. 

of loved ones.

of loving one.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

the mud always settles in the water. it just takes time.

as lovely as it is to be healing from home, warm and cozy in the comfort of my parents company in Salida, Colorado, embracing the sunniest winter in history, enjoying the delights of home (food, laundry, kitten-puppy bromance, sleeping in, napping hard, always clean and nice and lovely) and the embrace of sweet Salida friends, there is still a very raw, broken heart that lingers these hills... two of them, actually.

one belongs to me
the other, to Ryan.

there is a fresh life out there in the world, waiting for me... or so i'm told. its hard, though, to give up on this one. to let go of the love, of the distress, of the fairytale first half and the tragically flawed second. how hard we tried. how hard we try...

it isn't to say that the waters between Ryan and i are irrevocably muddied, but more, that we're both hoping that with the (slow, painful, arduous, seemingly impossible) process of mending our broken hearts, calmness, not calamity, will aide us in our paths.

i want, so dearly, to talk with, to sit with, to be near, to see Ryan. but, to be as unlike that thorn that grew so cooly, so invasively, so wickedly from the rosebush that was our life, i am dedicated to respecting his privacy, respecting his state, respecting his (situational) wishes.

the healing of a broken heart, of a broken spirit, undoubtedly takes time, effort and a gross overdose of positively purposeful living. i know he and i will one day be true and dear friends. but until then, we must maintain our singular selves and all that is linked therein, so that when we do come to that sunny place in our future, we'll both be better, to each other and most importantly, to ourselves.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

brain farts vs real farts

yesterday was a busy one for this sleep laden gal. i had to get laundry done (thank god for wash'n'fold), get the kitten his travel sedatives, call southwest, clean the apartment, do the dishes (the mt. rainer mound of dishes), send all my christmas cards and, whew, remember to rest.

today, while still suffering from my exhausting yesterday, i'm plagued with brain farts left and right;
Nugent, my kitten, who flew today, sedated and cool (like most of my cohorts on southwest flight 196), seems have his own issues: with real farts.

at first, i just thought it was Tacoma, an infamously stinky city, but as we passed through and beyond, towards the Emerald City of Seattle, the odor lingered, to my dismay. lucky for me, the shock and awe of airport security ruffled the goods right out of my now droopy-eyed black cat and he lay his head down and rested. although the turbulence did wake him, only to remind him to reposition himself and fall back asleep.

while my brain farts continue to plague me (i would like to blame them on my fatigue and general malaise, but, lets be honest here - i can be somewhat of a scatterbrain by nature), i'm so terribly grateful that his real farts do not.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

easy recipes for the down and out

mono, compounded by cat scratch fever, a playful kitten and an insatiable desire to leave my apartment without the capacity do so, would leave anyone too tired to cook.  and, aside from my one incident (yesterday, i tried to make myself some oatmeal, and i sat down on the couch, and three hours later i woke to the fire alarm... oops), this week with mono has found me more adventurous in the kitchen and although that's probably due to my less frequent trip to the grocery store, i'm happy for it.

please do remember, these are not meant to be eaten all at once, in fact, it took me a week to get through the three things listed below, but, i have been sleeping like 18 hours a day, so, you know...

when down and out, one needs to eat and eat well. 
the body heals best when its sleeping and sleeps best when its full... 
so, here's what i've come up with so far:

first, the garlic and jalapeno pork chops with cream-cheese'd rice
     a) here piggie piggie
  • set the oven to 375/400
  • finely chop a fresh jalapeno and garlic
  • place half of the choppings in the middle of a cookie plate, douse with olive oil
  • place a pork chop atop the pile of green and pale yellow
  • rub the other half of the choppings on to the pork chop, adding olive oil, a dash of salt
  • cook in the center of the oven for 6 minutes, pull out and flip for another 5 or so
  • top with grated cheese 
     b) always add cheese
  • in the final stages of making rice, when there is only a slight glisten of water left simmering and swimming, add a dollop of cream cheese, stir well
  • after you've mixed in the cheese, turn the heat off and lay a towel across the top of the pot, securing it by laying the lid on top of the towel

     serve a) on top of b) with a side of green beans or some salad - enjoy!

second, the pesto steak with goat cheese and crispy broccoli (not Pilli's favorite)

     a) don't skirt the steak

  • on low heat and in a skillet, saute some chopped garlic, salt and pepper with olive oil 
  • smother your steak in pesto sauce
  • turn the heat up slightly, lay the steak on the skillet 
  • flip after about 5 minutes
  • flip again after about 3 minutes 
    • (i totally cheat here and slice a bit in the middle - i like my steaks to be medium and this usually does it)
  • once its cooked to your liking, top it with a dollop of goat cheese and a dab of pesto 

      b) "um, excuse me, waiter, this broccoli is burnt"
  • heat the oven to 400
  • toss fresh broccoli in a dish with large garlic slices, olive oil, a dash of red wine (merlot) and pepper
  • add a few cherry or sugar plum tomatoes, toss again
  • ensuring that ever bit of broccoli is lightly bathed in the oil mixture, put in the oven
  • about 10 minutes later, check to see if the leafy parts of the broccoli are browning - you want them to be brown before you pull them out

     serve a) with b) and drink lots of water with this salty and delicious meal

third, the roasted garbanzo snack
  • drain and rinse (well!) a can of garbanzo beans (chickpeas)
  • set the oven to 375/400
  • in a baking dish, toss them with sugar plum tomatoes, flax seeds, golden raisins, baby-pumpkin s seeds (aka: pepitas), salt, olive oil and a dash of balsamic vinegar
  • bake/roast for about 15 minutes or until browned 
  • this dish is meant to be crispy but if you over do your olive oil (like i always do) these go great on top of a salad, with just about any pasta dish, or on its own with a side of grilled veggies and some goat cheese

my mama knows me well

knowing that retail-therapy is one of my most successful ways out of the dumps, and, taking into consideration the fact that i'm too tired to go prescribe myself a new sweater or some cute lacey tunic, my darling mother, Mohanta, took it upon her self to apply some new purchase ointment to my wounds and sent me a perfect-fit, precious wool/cotton blend, cinched at (my ever shrinking) waist, all-the-rage plaid coat!

i absolutely love it and love Y.O.L.O. for carrying it and Loni Walton for assisting in the purchase.

i feel better already.
although, now that i wrote this post, and posed for a photograph, 
i'm exhausted and am going to lay back down.

thanks Dr. Mama; your Rx hit the spot!