seek and find

Saturday, April 16, 2011

comin' up roses

so maybe everything isn't quite coming up roses, but it sure does seem to be headed in the right direction. although my night terrors have been much worse lately, causing some minor injuries {namely self made bruises, cuts and bloody noses, whilst deep in slumber}, they have made me aware of my progress on my path to PTSD recovery. 
thanks for the goodness,
here are a few of the things i've come to know to be true:
  • whether i'm in a city, in the desert or in a small mountain town, i'm happiest when there is sunshine, smiles and loved ones nearby.
  • that a good day of work, be it physical, mental or healing, can brighten any day and lighten any evening with that peculiar sense of accomplishment and joy.
  • i've learned that what i want isn't necessarily anything different from what i had; its just that now i can see clearly and then i was looking, frantically, through a haze of anxiety, shame, pain, suffering, and loss. then, it seemed a poor fit. now i know that it was tailor made. {sigh}
  • i've met some people that make me appreciate my time spent alone, spent with my cat, spent with my podcasts.
  • i've met others that help me to realize that good folks are everywhere; patience and persistence with a reasonable sense of goodwill will always triumph.
  • i know that everyone is on their own path, their own process and hopefully maintain the direction of progress. we all fall, though, and whether its in love or off the path, its always worth the time, effort and lessons learned.
  • i know who i love, why i love them and how much it means to be able to freely, clearly and lovingly let them know.
  • i know now that i have more patience than i ever knew; but that much of that patience is wrought with an insatiable persistence and stubbornness. 
there is so much more to be said but the sun just started shining here in Olympia and i if i don't go take advantage of it right now, it'll be gone!

ps: there are wild daffodils and tulips everywhere! i'll wear a raincoat to go see those, any day.


Pessioptimist said...

I loved this post. I am going through a really difficult break-up and some of the things in your list made me realize I need to make a list of what makes me happy. I haven't been happy for some time now and today I am going to start working at it.
Thank-You for this post. :)

umy_kyu said...

nice... like it :)

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