in retrospect

just a few months ago, i couldn't go into a grocery store without having a panic attack. the only being i wanted to be with was my handicapped dog. i cried until i couldn't breathe and ate like a sick bird. my chest was on fire, my hands were shaky, my vision blurred, my hope lost. a number of jobs in salida were offered and in the same breath dissolved. the weather wouldn't pull through. the light seemed all too distant in the tunnel. the love of my life was gone, his son too, and one of the main reasons we split became louder. all in all, i had a very bleak outlook on life.

today, i'm gainfully employed, using a craft i never thought i'd be lucky enough to execute on a daily basis in a part of the country that frees me daily from my persistent night terrors with sea life, mountains, new accents, speciality foods and happy co-workers. my broken heart is mended, thanks to those who supported me through the darkest time of my life and the sliver of hope i had that Ryan and i would find one another again. that sliver of hope is alive, well and growing daily. i have my health back, too, which has brought back my appetite, both for food and for fun.

life has a way of coming full circle. i don't understand it and i doubt i ever will, but i do know now that friends, relationships, loves, family, those are the things we should focus on. the weather will always change. mean people will always be mean people. but the ones that make you smile, comfort you to sleepiness just with the sound of their voice, who get excited with you, support your journey and maintain your path as well as they can, they should never, ever, be taken for granted.

if you love someone, speak up. its the greatest thing to say and the greatest thing to hear. from your parents, your friends, your significant others. its everything and its beautiful.

mama and daddy, skylar, mike and gloria, janna, kimberly, lauren, patrick, patrick, vickers, brett, ryan, fisher, stephanie, bob, heidi, ginny, tootsie, kristen, morgan, elizabeth, mimi, pilli, brandon, lorig, todd, jon, daniel, kelli, kathie, joel...
thank you. thank you. thank you.