There is little to say. Ryan came and went, in the lovely manner only he knows how; depression came and went; sure to cycle through again. However, my love – our love – remains.
I’m sad and fine. I feel little, to be honest.
It is hot. I still feel that. I sit inside and sweat pours from my skin. I sit outside and the wind and sand and sun dry it, cake it to my body. Either way it is gross.
I’m unmotivated, unmoved, blank.
Ryan’s journey to this place, to me, was one of the best experiences of my life. He worked tirelessly for months to get the funds, paperwork and dates in order. He worked tirelessly to keep me sane and happy and healthy and knowing and in charge of my life and a part of his life.
For those of you who have not yet met him, I ache for you to. I know that he will better your lives the way he has bettered mine. Not that any of our lives really need much improvement, but that’s the beauty of this man – he improves people by embracing the good that already exists, by highlighting the immense beauty of life and by joyously interpreting even the hardest and toughest things to be a lesson, to be something learned and earned and passed on. He is a treasure but I’m willing to share. A little bit.
Good god, this is hard. This is terrible. I’m so far away from him. From our home in Salida and from the goodness that radiates from him smile and warms, eases and justifies me.
I miss him when I wake up. I miss him when I brush my teeth. I miss him when I’m happy and productive and when I’m sad and lonely. Its tough, its love, its us, its wonderful.
Ryan said there was a surprise in the works for me, for us. Just saying the word surprise to me is a mistake. Of course, not when it comes from him – he makes very little mistakes. I wonder with great anticipation: a beach? A couch with AC and a good book? A yurt with a soft pillow? A hostel within our fiscal reach? A pretty thing? A portrait? A box of candy plus toothcare supplies? A surefire way to cooling water sans electricity? A kiss? A roach motel that charges? We’d make a fortune.