i like people.

nice ones.

Texas Texas, Yee Haw

http://www.etsy.com/listing/64169491/i-heart-texas

i met a fellow Texpatriate last night after spending some quality time with a few other southerners this past weekend & realized how thoroughly i miss Texas, Texans & the largess therein... 

i whip my hair back, but never forth... that is just asking for trouble

there are friends and then there are loved ones. its a fine line in my world; a line that gets hopped and scotched and botched and respected - it depends on the weather, and whether or not, it nearly always ends in tears.

happy tears, sad tears, remorseful tears, joyful tears.

in the past 72 hours i've been reminded, many times over, just how much i am loved and, more importantly, how much i love.
that i'm selfish: still trying to grow into my 26 year old skin, still trying to maintain my priorities, to not step on toes, to keep smiling as much as possible and to make myself a better person. my friends, my loved ones, my family, they've shown me great things this weekend. including the fact that, whenever, where ever, how ever, if you love and you are loved , you are indeed alive.

alive. 

26. 

well. 

and 

looking forward.

i was given a piece of chalk; a piece of white/grey chalk, that only i and my little friend Fisher received, that is to remind me to own my intentions, to make my decisions, to own my days and to be my best. the piece of chalk was bestowed upon me to assist me in my journey through the "dark forest" {oly-based-hippie talk for "your late twenties"} - where self reflection, self inspection abound; where selfless and selfish are arguably interchangeable.


i was given an investment into my photographic future.
i was given a book of correspondence, of beautiful, artful attempts to further ignite passion through prose, poetry and profound colors.
i was given an antique painting of a little girl being bucked from a bronco; it was given with a smile, a wink and a proud hug - "i'm glad you're back in the saddle, Syd."
i was given handmade feather earrings, hugs, cupcakes, smiles, sweetness.

i was given some tragic news, halting all the goodness and happiness: the death of an infant, of an innocent. the notion of it takes your breath away, the knowing of it takes your heart more than a moment to recover. the reality of it takes... well, forever to comprehend, to ingest, to realize.

my heart aches, breaks, for you my friends the Walters, and everyone else submerged in sadness over the loss of this lovely little lady. my hands are open to you, to yours, and will always be for you. 

to my sweet and lovely friends and family in Colorado, thank you for the sunny homecoming, the warm smiles and welcoming hugs; for the alley-way talks and the long-overdue looks. some interactions overshadowed others, some were under-appreciated and others still, overzealous, but, and i say this with complete confidence: i would not have changed or exchanged one interaction for another.

twenty-six

- hello all friends, family and formers -

today i turn twenty-six. 

today i enter my late twenties. 

today the rain is torrential 

and the friends are plentiful 

and freedom is mine. 

all mine.

thank you all for putting up with me, for loving me, for openly caring for a stranger, 

for adoring a strange version of myself.

keep the South(erners) in mind today

keep the South in mind, today, as you complain about exes, overcooked burgers, scream at customer service agents and accidentally bleached trousers... hug your kids, your moms, your dads and friends a little bit longer today - do it for the South.

comin' up roses

so maybe everything isn't quite coming up roses, but it sure does seem to be headed in the right direction. although my night terrors have been much worse lately, causing some minor injuries {namely self made bruises, cuts and bloody noses, whilst deep in slumber}, they have made me aware of my progress on my path to PTSD recovery. 

thanks for the goodness, http://www.puglypixel.com/

here are a few of the things i've come to know to be true:

• whether i'm in a city, in the desert or in a small mountain town, i'm happiest when there is sunshine, smiles and loved ones nearby.
• that a good day of work, be it physical, mental or healing, can brighten any day and lighten any evening with that peculiar sense of accomplishment and joy.
• i've learned that what i want isn't necessarily anything different from what i had; its just that now i can see clearly and then i was looking, frantically, through a haze of anxiety, shame, pain, suffering, and loss. then, it seemed a poor fit. now i know that it was tailor made. {sigh}
• i've met some people that make me appreciate my time spent alone, spent with my cat, spent with my podcasts.
• i've met others that help me to realize that good folks are everywhere; patience and persistence with a reasonable sense of goodwill will always triumph.
• i know that everyone is on their own path, their own process and hopefully maintain the direction of progress. we all fall, though, and whether its in love or off the path, its always worth the time, effort and lessons learned.
• i know who i love, why i love them and how much it means to be able to freely, clearly and lovingly let them know.
• i know now that i have more patience than i ever knew; but that much of that patience is wrought with an insatiable persistence and stubbornness. 

there is so much more to be said but the sun just started shining here in Olympia and i if i don't go take advantage of it right now, it'll be gone!

ps: there are wild daffodils and tulips everywhere! i'll wear a raincoat to go see those, any day.

you know who you are & you know why this is sweet & awesome

via: http://t.co/hvAv4SU