binge & PURGE

Somehow, in two years, I have acquired an enormous amount of stuff. Really cute stuff, but stuff nonetheless: shabby chic furniture, beautiful dishes, unique frames, brilliant lamps, funky yet functional desks, a rad vehicle from the 1970s, clothes, linens, you name it, I've probably go it. And now, I'm selling it. All.

Everything but, of course, Nugent and the Peugeot.

It is raining and dreary outside, adding fuel to my packing-for-flight-fire. I'm headed south for the summer/fall/winter/ever and am very happy for it. Its times like these that I realize the true extent of my luck, of my blessings, of my awesome life, and find it hard to believe that not long ago I considered taking it. As you know, these last 3 years have been some of my worst. But, in those dark, dreary dreadful moments comes light. The warm light of family ties, of friendships, of distance and closeness, of the incalculable importance of feline/canine companions, of true love and loss; most importantly, of self. The years have been hard on me, but they've been harder still on others, and in my hard times I find the best thing to do is binge a little then purge a lot. I'm lucky to be able to do so.

I'm selling my beloved car, or, at least, I'm trying to. I'm selling my furniture, my clothes, some shoes, lots of stuff, and with everything thing that leaves these doors, I feel a little bit lighter. I could, in all honesty, pack my books, my cat, my bike and some radishes and be okay for a little while. Enough, surely, to get me through a few weeks in the sun. Then, of course, I'd start looking and smelling like these foolish beings I so loathe in Olympia, the white guys with dreadlocks, the hairy-legged ladies who refuse toothbrushes, too, the trustifarians who know what they've got and exploit it and those with little for their own high (unplucked and gross) brow memoirs that they'll surely be writing when they have 2.5 kids and refuse to hire any "illegals."

Oh how time changes us. I hope it continues to change me for the better. I've made some mistakes thus far, cut some ties I regret, been stubborn enough to allow bosses to harass and crazies to affect... alas, time changes us and right now is a great time for some change.

See you on the other side of the Rockies. I'm so ready to purge and head east!

comin' up roses

so maybe everything isn't quite coming up roses, but it sure does seem to be headed in the right direction. although my night terrors have been much worse lately, causing some minor injuries {namely self made bruises, cuts and bloody noses, whilst deep in slumber}, they have made me aware of my progress on my path to PTSD recovery. 

thanks for the goodness, http://www.puglypixel.com/

here are a few of the things i've come to know to be true:

• whether i'm in a city, in the desert or in a small mountain town, i'm happiest when there is sunshine, smiles and loved ones nearby.
• that a good day of work, be it physical, mental or healing, can brighten any day and lighten any evening with that peculiar sense of accomplishment and joy.
• i've learned that what i want isn't necessarily anything different from what i had; its just that now i can see clearly and then i was looking, frantically, through a haze of anxiety, shame, pain, suffering, and loss. then, it seemed a poor fit. now i know that it was tailor made. {sigh}
• i've met some people that make me appreciate my time spent alone, spent with my cat, spent with my podcasts.
• i've met others that help me to realize that good folks are everywhere; patience and persistence with a reasonable sense of goodwill will always triumph.
• i know that everyone is on their own path, their own process and hopefully maintain the direction of progress. we all fall, though, and whether its in love or off the path, its always worth the time, effort and lessons learned.
• i know who i love, why i love them and how much it means to be able to freely, clearly and lovingly let them know.
• i know now that i have more patience than i ever knew; but that much of that patience is wrought with an insatiable persistence and stubbornness. 

there is so much more to be said but the sun just started shining here in Olympia and i if i don't go take advantage of it right now, it'll be gone!

ps: there are wild daffodils and tulips everywhere! i'll wear a raincoat to go see those, any day.